KVV Mailbag: Karaoke, Gary Player, and Friday Night Lights (Golf Edition)

Hello Friends! Welcome to The KVV Mailbag at The Fried Egg, the place where I will attempt to answer your smartest, your dumbest, your funniest, and your weirdest questions, whether they are golf-related or only tangentially related. If you have a question you’d like to have answered in a future mailbag, please send it to kvv@thefriedegg.com. 

From A Friend of the Program: KVV, my friends and I are in our 30s. Some guys are starting to join clubs while others are content to stick with the public golf scene. Most of us are low single-digit players. I didn’t grow up in a place with a lot of private clubs so I’ve always wondered what the best etiquette is to keep up with golfing buddies or acquaintances if you don’t belong to the same club.  Can the public player invite out guys who are members at clubs to play at public places without the members feeling pressure to just take them out to the club? Does the member want to play at the public place and pay green fees if they’re already paying a lot for a membership? And vice versa, for the member, what’s the best balance between inviting them out to the club but also going out to the public spot if you enjoy their company? I think this most pertains to acquaintances who aren’t best buds but have played a few times together in the past. 

FOTP: I think I’m a good person to answer this one because I deal with it in my own life. I am a member of a private club, and I have friends there, but I also have a regular group of friends who mostly play golf at municipal tracks. I don’t want to give up my relationship with them, but I also don’t want them to feel pressure to pay the guest fees at my place, which are much higher than the local munis. I think the best way to handle it, as is often the case with male friendships, is with humor. If you play at munis, it’s totally fine to shoot your acquaintances a note like this: “Hey, how long has it been since you went slumming and teed it up at Clifton Park? I’ve got a couple guys who are a lot of fun but they keep kicking my butt. I need you as a partner. Plus it’s time to see if your sorry ass can still handle imperfect lies.” 

You don’t have to worry about getting a reciprocal invite. If you’re good company, you’ll get one. And when you do, just offer to pay the guest fee. Some people pride themselves on taking friends out to their club and picking up the guest fee. Some people aren’t that flush, but they still want their friends to join them at their club. 

Are there people at private clubs who don’t want to spend extra money on golf when they’re already paying monthly dues? Certainly. They probably don’t want to fork over $100 every weekend to play a public course. But once every couple months? Most people won’t balk at that. If I invite someone to my club but they insist on paying the guest fee, lunch and beers are on me (as long as we’re friends and I’m not just taking you out as a favor to someone). It’s an imperfect relationship, but don’t let people bully you one way or another. Reasonable people won’t go to either extreme. And every member of a private club ought to play public tracks from time to time just to keep them from being a total snob. 

From Golf Poems: Please compare pro golfers to Friday Night Lights characters.

GP: I feel like these kinds of questions have become a little too cute. Barely a week goes by that I don’t get someone asking me to break down which golfer is represented by a character on The Wire. However, I’m in the middle of re-watching FNL with my middle daughter, and I feel that show doesn’t get the kind of love that all the other great shows in my life do (The Wire, Mad Men, The Sopranos), so I’m going to give this a shot. I’m under the assumption you mean the television show and not the movie, in part because I think the TV show is the greatest guilty pleasure of all time, and the movie is fine, but can’t capture the darkness of the book. 

‍Jason Street/Tiger Woods: The main character of the story until it’s time for him to cede the stage to others because of a devastating injury. Raised from a very young age to be great at his sport, and accomplished great things, but will also go down as one of the great “What Ifs.” Kind of a nerd, polite but awkward, definitely would consider an experimental surgery in Mexico involving shark blood if it gave him his legs back. 

‍Smash Williams/Bryson DeChambeau: Extremely talented athlete who cannot stop talking. Decided he needed to get bigger and stronger and did it through controversial methods. Liked by friends, disliked by his haters, and absolutely would be electric on his own YouTube channel. Complicated relationship with his father, who passed away too soon. 

Matt Saracen/Jordan Spieth: His haters think he’s Just A Guy, but when he does get the job done, it feels like he’s been sprinkled with fairy dust. Not the greatest athlete, but a student of the game. Can’t stop verbally processing all his angst. His best year might have been when he burst onto the scene. 

Tim Riggins/Brooks Koepka: Doesn’t really have any interest in practice, but is a gamer when it matters. You think he’s a meathead, but he’s smarter than he lets on. Has a brother who is not as talented that he tries to support. A bad habit of punching inanimate objects in anger. 

Coach Eric Taylor/Scottie Scheffler: An ethical and moral person who is occasionally prone to bouts of exasperation and frustration when things do not go his way. Would not be successful without his wife, who is his rock behind the scenes. At first you think he’s boring when he talks, but then you realize what he’s saying is often profound. 

Tyra Collette/Ludvig Aberg: Tall and Nordic, a compelling character under the right circumstances, but probably not interesting enough to be a lead. Definitely would feel out-of-left-field and poorly-written if they were suddenly involved in a (justifiable) murder that was done with the intention of increasing ratings. 

Buddy Garrity/John Daly: Despite his self-destructive tendencies, most people can’t help but like him. Not great at staying married. 

Landry Clarke/Wyndham Clark: Secondary character in the show who briefly becomes a main character, then kind of disappears when the writers don’t know what to do with him. You would not be surprised if he committed a murder, then felt remorse over it. Last name Clark(e). 

Luke Cafferty/Jon Rahm: Hard-working and thoughtful talent who spends his upbringing thinking he’s going to be a Panther, but ends up playing for the Lions. 

Vince Howard/Rory McIlroy: The most talented athlete in this universe since Jason Street, but it can be maddening to be one of his biggest fans because he likes to run his mouth and he has a swagger that drives his haters crazy. Deep down, he has a big heart. Makes waves early in his career because of his raw athleticism, but evolves over time into a complete player. 

Julie Taylor/Justin Thomas: Polarizing character who can come off as whiny at times, but has some crucial plot points that are important to the larger storyline. Was precocious and cute in the beginning, then kind of maddening as a character, got humbled and ultimately matured. Destined to walk arm and arm with Matt Saracen forever. 

Grandma Saracen/Gary Player: Wiley veteran who is still getting it done. Some selective memory issues and hot takes, but still an enjoyable part of the storyline, even as they approach 90. Maybe don’t ask them about how they felt about segregation in the 1950s. 

From Brad: What are the top five karaoke songs and who’s singing them?

I assume Don Rea inspired this question, and I am happy to tackle it. The No. 1 rule about karaoke, in my opinion, is that you should pick a song where you know the words by heart. There is nothing that kills the vibe of a karaoke performance quicker than someone nervously looking at the lyrics on the monitor because they can’t remember them. My No. 2 rule is don’t be a cliche. Don’t pick “My Way” by Frank Sinatra or “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey or “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks (although that one is a banger). Go deeper. As far as who is singing them, I suppose I could pick professional golfers here but I think that gets dangerously close to Andy and Brendan’s bit about walk-up songs, so I’m going to just pick songs I think are universal winners. 

1. Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver: The key to a great karaoke song is getting the bar to sing along with you during the chorus. This is one of the great sing-along songs in history. Even people in Europe know the words, despite having no concept of West Virginia. The idea of returning home is universal, so the destination doesn’t matter. 
2. Nuthin But A G Thang, Dr. Dre and Snoop: This one is great for partner karaoke, especially if you and your partner are children of the 90s. We only had a snippet of Don Rea singing Lose Yourself so we can’t say this definitively, but the problem with a rap song like Lose Yourself is that it goes on forever and gets repetitive. G Thang is barely four minutes long, and the back-and-forth between Dre and Snoop on the final verse will crush with the right crowd. 
3. Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash: If you don’t need the room to do a sing-along, but you are fully committed to putting on an electric performance, this is the song for you. You can basically copy Cash’s energy from the Live At Folsom Prison album, where he barked out “This one’s for your warden!” right before delving into a tale of murder, escape, capture, trial, conviction, and regret. 
4. Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne: Has all the hallmarks of a great karaoke song and performance. Humor. Lyrics are easy to remember. Crowd will sing along at the chorus. 
5. Party In The U.S.A by Miley Cyrus: Again, a key to a good karaoke experience is making the crowd match your energy. If you can get a drunk crowd to nod and bob their heads along to the chorus, you will crush. 

From Mashman: What is your favorite non-Pinehurst course located in that area?  And why?

I went to the Pinehurst area in September and played Mid Pines, Southern Pines, Pine Needles, and Tobacco Road with a group of good friends, and while I liked all the courses, I think Mid Pines is by far and away my favorite. It’s such a pleasant walk and the greens are a fun challenge, but they aren’t so severe that you feel furious when the ball trickles away. I made one of the best eagles in my life on the sixth hole on the final day (driver, 5 iron, 10 footer) that cemented its status as my favorite. 

From Robert: Have you watched Slow Horses yet, and if not, why the hell haven't you?

I have not. And I realize it is a big hole in my resume as a prestige TV appreciator. My wife and I just wrapped up Better Call Saul, another missing piece, and I’m grateful for all the people who nudged me into watching it. I think, in the end, I liked it more than Breaking Bad, even though that’s a little unfair because I don’t think you can truly appreciate what it pulled off without Breaking Bad as context. The cinematography was working on another level. 

From James Hill: Dear Mr. KVV, [in my best KVV version of Gary Player] HELLOOOO KEVIN, FIRST TIME LONG TIME! Question: Where does Gary Player rank all-time for KVV, if not at least third? 

As I’m typing this, I’m realizing this question is a Russian Nesting doll of breaking the fourth wall. I’m answering a question that was asked in the spirit of someone doing an impression of me doing an impression of Gary Player, and I’m being asked to rank Gary Player’s career based on an interview he did (in real life) where he declared himself the third best golfer of all time. 

All that throat-clearing aside, I actually think Gary has a great case, even if no one really wants to hear him make it. People tend to roll their eyes when he talks about the number of wins he has (159) because that includes 59 wins on the South African Tour and 19 wins on the Australian Tour. But the willingness to travel anywhere in the world and play any golf course really does count for a lot in my book. The golfers that are frequently ranked ahead of Gary (Ben Hogan, Sam Snead, Bobby Jones, Walter Hagen) tend to get credit for things that hypothetically could have happened — if Hogan had never been in a car wreck; if Snead had played in more Open Championships; if Hagen got credit for winning the Western Open five times; if Jones had not been limited by deteriorating health that convinced him to walk away at age 29. I think we ought to give more weight to what actually happened instead of what we think could have happened. Hagen never got to play in a Masters during his prime (it wasn’t founded until 1933, when he was in his 40s), so in my mind, he has the best case. 

But Gary Player truly might be the third-best player of all-time because of the trail he blazed, even if you find him obnoxious as a person, or you think he played fast and loose with the rules. The first foreign man to win the Masters, he won the Open Championship in three different decades, the first non-American to win the career Grand Slam. I think some aspect of how great he was has been somewhat muted by his personality.  

From Chris: Which pro golfer (past or present, men or women) is most likely to clone their pet like Tom Brady? 

I’m going to go with a wildcard here and say Talor Gooch. 

From Drew: I know the big question always is..."If Tiger wouldn't have had all of his issues, what would he have accomplished?" But here's a different question along those lines. If there's NO Tiger at all, how many tournaments and majors would Mickelson have won? 

I have thought about this a lot and I actually think it’s not as many as you might think. Mickelson probably wins five or six additional PGA Tour events, but I would make the case that he doesn’t win six majors if Tiger decides to play baseball or soccer instead as a kid. My rationale is that Mickelson became a better player because of Tiger. He was frustrated by Tiger’s dominance and it forced him to change his diet, change his practice routine, and that’s what allowed him to win two more majors after turning 40. I think Ernie Els might be the player who benefits the most. What if Ernie wins three majors in 2000? How much different does his career look? 

From Alan: Hi Kevin, I have a simple question to which I can’t decide where I stand on the correct answer. Looking back on 2025, arguably the two biggest stories in golf were Rory’s Masters win and Europe winning a Ryder Cup on the road, but it could’ve been so different. Rory led by I wanna say five (?) with eight holes to play and nearly coughed it up, while the U.S. nearly staged a record-breaking comeback at Bethpage. What I can’t decide is, say both events had gone the other way, which would’ve been the most incredible, or perhaps the more historically impactful? For Rory it would’ve carried so much personal torment, but the U.S. comeback may have scarred a continent for decades. Care to weigh in?

I think the 2025 Masters will probably go down as one of the most memorable Masters in the history of the tournament, and that would have still been true if Justin Rose had made his putt in the playoff and Rory had missed. That Masters will be up there with 1986 and 1997 and 2004 and 2019 in terms of all-timers. If Rory loses, I think I feel comfortable saying that he never wins the tournament. The psychological baggage would simply be too great. And I think he might agree. He lived and died and was born again multiple times in one round. And selfishly, I believe that decades from now, people will still go back and listen to the podcast that Neil Schuster and I did documenting the tournament with a pair of handheld recording devices. If that one had gone the other way, I think it might have effectively ended Rory’s career in majors. It would have been looked at as the biggest What If in tournament history, bigger than Greg Norman in any of his losses, bigger than Tom Weiskopf, bigger than David Duval or Els.  

The Ryder Cup, I concede, would have put a pin in Europe’s (deserved) recent smugness when it comes to the event, and redeemed my guy Keegan Bradley a bit. But home teams are supposed to win. I feel like it wouldn’t have carried quite as much sting, especially when you consider the United States (2012) and Europe (1999) have each blown big leads on Sunday. I also can’t help but wonder if a comeback would have been seen as a reward for all the terrible crowd behavior on Saturday. I’m glad, ultimately, both went the way they did, even while admitting I’d love to see the United States win in Ireland in 2027. 

From Rajesh Sharma: If Luke Donald turns down the Ryder Cup captaincy for Europe, is there a natural next captain out there? I'm assuming that Rose thinks it's too soon and the LIV guys remain unselectable as captains?

It’s starting to seem like Francesco Molinari is the top candidate to get the job, especially in light of Rose signaling to James Corrigan of the Telegraph that he wants to try and make the team in Ireland instead of grabbing the reins. Europe has such a great system going that I’m not sure it matters who the lead bloke is as long as they use Eduardo Molinari to set up the course and decide the pairings. I also wouldn’t rule out Donald doing one more. It might cement his status as the GOAT Ryder Cup captain on either side. And he has home-field advantage. The only downside is, you don’t want to be the guy in charge when the streak of home wins gets broken. 

From Matt: KVV, if modern professional golfers want to be truly "great," shouldn't they hold off on marriage and children until their late 30s? Scottie puts an arrow in this argument, but so many others have fallen off after marriage.  (Jordan, JT, Ricky, Brooks, DJ....)

No offense, but this take always bugs me. It’s like when the worst elements of Lefty Twitter said that Taylor Swift was MAGA because she wrote a song about wanting to have kids with Travis Kelce. I do not think we should be discouraging people from starting a family! This leads to a pretty dark place as a society. People’s goals and desires change as they age, and it’s not the worst thing if ambition gives way to happiness. Is it harder to be great at your job once you have kids? It’s possible, but Scottie and Jack Nicklaus are great examples of how a good perspective and well-rounded family life can actually enhance your golf. I know people want to blame something for a golfer’s regression, but the more logical argument is that the regression was always coming. Juggling real-life responsibilities is also part of the challenge of greatness. Tom Brady didn’t get worse because he got married and had kids. Shohei Ohtani just had a kid and he still produced one of the greatest postseasons in history. LeBron James will go down as either the best player of all time or the second-best player of all time (I will let Andy and Brendan sort that one out), and he literally has his own kid as a teammate. Golfers can figure it out if they want to chase greatness.  

From Steve: Why aren't there more golf clubs set up like the UK in terms of business model? I really wish that good golf course architecture were more accessible for public golfers.

I agree with you and here is my hottest take that drives country club snobs insane when they read it: I think every club should be open one day per week to the general public, or they should pay a larger tax burden. Muirfield in Scotland is one of the most exclusive clubs in the world, and you need to wear a jacket and tie if you want to sit down inside the clubhouse. Getting asked to be a member there is one of the most coveted honors in the United Kingdom. And yet they still are open to the public two days a week! Augusta National’s tax bill, according to public records, is $2.8 million. The actual land it sits on is valued at $250 million, but for tax purposes, the course is assessed at around $12 million. Augusta is run as a for-profit entity, unlike a lot of the top clubs in the United States. I am comfortable with the idea that they can keep their doors closed because they choose to pay a higher tax burden. 

The idea that, say, Cypress Point or Los Angeles Country Club should be able to pay property taxes at a fraction of their actual land value is a lot more dubious. (Both are classified as 501(c)7 nonprofits.) I would be all for these places keeping these obviously farcical tax assessments if they carved out a day for the public to have access to this land. That is the real intent behind green space exemptions to property taxes. If St. Andrews can allow people to walk their dogs across the Swilcan Bridge on Sundays, LACC can do the same, or pay a higher tax burden. 

The truth is, this will never, ever happen, so no rich person has to worry about it. The people who belong to exclusive clubs typically help write the tax codes in America. But it shows that the model in the United Kingdom and Ireland — where guests play is welcome at a steep rate on certain days — is a lot more in the spirit of golf’s founding ethos than the American model of assuring that the ruling class doesn’t have to interact with the great unwashed while still benefiting from tax exemptions written with public benefit in mind. 

Got a question or a complaint? Write me at kvv@thefriedegg.com.